Now that’s a good thing la I supposed. I mean, I don’t decide on things whilst I’m angry/down/pissed.. that’s what most people say - ‘you don’t make good choices when you’re emotionally disturbed’.. sometimes my timing can be so random; Today I can be extremely happy, and suddenly *BAM!*.. next thing I know is.. by the end of the day.. I need a time off. But then again, I don’t really shut people off. Maybe I haven’t gone through that stage but I have been through some of the worst shit even the time I was in school. Well my life wasn’t all rainbows and candies.. I remember more incidents than happy times throughout my days growing up.. and to tell you the truth.. the word ‘hurt/pain’ blends in my veins so well that there are times.. I am just so numb I don’t feel a thing. Without me realizing I build walls. I don’t shut people off or whatever, but I realized at one time.. people find it hard to get through me. I got through all that thanks to vinoth kumar especially.. he discovered so many things about me that I don’t even realize. And I’m talking about my goods and bads.
After that.. I slowly changed. To him I was always a good girl, but to me I’m always messed up. I am dominant, yes.. I am strong, yes.. but some part of me just feel like I don’t belong. So now you know how my brain works. whatever it is.. it all balls back to mentality, self-discipline, and support. I have a few people who left me, and end up regretting.. I don’t call myself an angel, I’m not a saint. Perhaps the term ‘sometimes people only appreciate what they have, only when it’s gone. and by then.. it’s too late’ really does apply in real life ey? Yet, I have the right people around me. You may be brought up well by your parents, they may have taught you well.. but if deep in your heart you’ve always wanted to rebel.. one fine day you eventually will. everything balls back to you. how life is gonna be, is totally up to you. you’re gonna be the one walking through that lane.. So you either make it or you don’t. therefore I have always kept that in mind..
I’m not the kinda person who likes to retaliate. I don’t do tantrums too. I’m not short-tempered, I’m not quick-tempered, but I have a temper. everyone does. But I can eventually say I am a very patient person. Other than that.. I do get stress easily, now that’s to be honest. and frankly speaking, quite most of the time. But at the end of the day, either I cry it all out, keep myself locked up the whole day, or I just shut up about it.. I always needed a time off for myself, but never had one after few years.
In shaa allah, I have god with me. Berdoa supaya takkan pernah sampai ke tahap masuk hospital angkara stress-illness. Allah is great. In shaa allah again, I know I can handle myself well. May I always have faith. In shaa allah, 2013 will be great. Whomever is reading this, pray for me.. for my success :)